Peer Review _20219 jeonguihyeon

Peer Review 

http://20219jeonguihyeon.blogspot.kr/

I could't do peer review because he didn't write the second draft, and even his first draft did not finished

Grade

According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?

He 

How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?

Thesis

What is the thesis?

 companies should enforce the policy adopting Pygmalion effect

Is the thesis clear and debatable?

If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?

Any other thoughts?

Classical Argument

Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?

Does the introduction catch your attention?
Does it comfortably lead to the thesis? 

Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?

Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?

Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? 
Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner? 

Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis? 

What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?

Persuasion

When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis? 

When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?

If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?

How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?

Research

Is the author using research effectively? 

Is the research from appropriate sources?

Are the sources obvious?

Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?

Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?

Peer Review_20220 jeongjiye

Peer Review 

http://20220jeongjiye.blogspot.kr/

Grade

According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?

4점, 주제가 참신하고 구조적으로 잘 되어있었다.

How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
중간중간 문장만 정리하면 될 것 같다.

Thesis

What is the thesis?

whether creativity is an ability that can be taught

Is the thesis clear and debatable?

 Yes

If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
like writer

Any other thoughts?

no

Classical Argument

Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
Yes

Does the introduction catch your attention?Yes
Does it comfortably lead to the thesis? Yes

Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?

Yes

Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?

Yes

Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Yes
Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner? Yes

Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis? 

Yes

What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?

Yes

Persuasion

When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis? 

agree

When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?

agree

If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?

no

How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?

Research

Is the author using research effectively? 

Yes

Is the research from appropriate sources?

Yes, 

Are the sources obvious?

Yes, 

Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?

Yes

Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?

no

My second draft

Recently, for the age of information, lots of robots are creating which has abilities of working instead of humans and helping human to be convenient. Even robots that read fairy tale to children are creating and they are popular, especially to couples working together for a living, and rate of sales of them is growing increasingly. Why the bots are popular and have abilities to read to children? Is the reading education so important? Most people may already think that reading education is important and it exert a strong influence, but they don't interest in this greatly and Korea does not proceed this education
 systematically but it just conventional to development of children. Therefore I think why people educate children to read and Is reading education suitable for development of children? And I thought influences of reading educations in three aspects ;  in emotion, in linguistic, in social & government.

First of all, children are immature and they lack of experience yet, so they can have the lots of experience to grow emotional by reading. They can have creativity and be imaginative by reading books of various fields at second hand. Also, they can learn emotions such as joy and sorrow and control their emotions through the behavior and lines the main character of the book. Actually a researcher found that many children would learn self-esteem, manners, modesty honesty. Therefore reading education that develop children's abilities in emotion is important because their direct experiences are limited.

Second, When we are young, most of us might be told stories that mother or father or grandmother read us. According to studies, their native languages which are used by reading can affect their learning of language. Actually Children who were told stories by parents or grandparents are learned native language easily than the other children who did not that experience.
In addition, students who read many books are good at understanding the individual sentences and the organizational structure of a piece of writing. And also they are more likely to do well in school and pass exams than a student who are weak readers. If you want your child to be successful at school, encourage him or her to read. Therefore reading education is important and has significant influence to development of children in linguistic. 

Finally, There are many clubs that children or students can express their opinions and communicate with other people and then their social abilities can be enhanced. And also there are many cases that people who read many books or educated to read many books can be inventors or politicians, innovators. For example Edison and Bill Gates read many books when they were young told wise sayings about reading. People like Bill Gates are succeeded with collaboration intellectual curiosity and reading. And other people who are like Edison are overcome situations that are in danger or despair. Because these people existed, society or government can be developed.

Of course, there are people who think that is reading education necessary? Or Can reading be educated to children? But I think that from at that time of children, reading education is organized systematically. By doing it, habit of reading can be resisted. And also there are people not only parents and teachers but also specialist of reading of children. They will lead them to right way with books. And there are also book master who recommend the books which are good books and fits readers' age.

There are reasons why reading education is suitable for development of children. 
Firstly, children can have the lots of experience to grow emotional by reading and learn control their emotions, self-esteem, manners, modesty honesty. Their direct experiences are limited, so reading education that develop children's abilities in emotion is important.

In addition, children who were told stories by parents or grandparents are learned native language easily than the other children who did not that experience. Therefore reading education is important and has significant influence to development of children in linguistic. 

Finally, There are many clubs that children or students can express their opinions and communicate with other people and then their social abilities can be enhanced. And also there are many cases that people who read many books or educated to read many books can be inventors or politicians, innovators. 

Above these reasons I think reading education is suitable for development of children. Recently rates of children's reading are decreasing, and they do not once or twice a month. So I think, parents and society should encourage for children to read.